Hallo thar!

Gtfo off my page angst about Uni. I'll put it to the back of my mind right now because I can't be arsed to keep freaking out over it when I should focus more on getting porfolio stuff done than 'OH MAH GAWD BUT I'LL MISS MY FRIENDS/wrist'. So, yeah.

Um, i'm going to the Grand Cosplay Ball thingy on Sunday. Wasn't going to be there for long because of getting home and stuff but Maz has offered to let me crash at his (wahey, will sneak Monday off school) which means I can stay for most of it, yey. So if anyone see's me floating around with a camera and stacking it in my shoes which-need-re-heeling-because-they-are-wonky-and-angular say hi :)
Also doing a shoot with the Isa on Saturday (I will discuss meeting times etc with you at some point if you're reading this woman) and thats about it really.

Thats pretty much it. I've spent most of today painting so I lack the ability to speak pretty much. Uhhh...

Oh yeah. Yesterday I was raging about the Utada gig but i'm pretty much over it now; its a pain in the arse and everything but theres nothing that could be done so I guess I just have to live with the annoying-ness that is ticketmaster selling me a ticket they don't have and then telling me I can't go because they suck. Eugh.

That doesn't sound like a positive ending does it? Uh, looking forward to the weekend I guess? x3

 This is rather spontaneous as it's only just happened.

There was this guy I started randomly speaking to on DA a few months back, and you know when you just get on with someone instantly? After 5 minutes of conversation I felt like we were best friends, he was awesome and we just clicked like that and it was the oddest thing but I felt like i'd made this fantastic new friend. We chatted quite a bit, over msn (those who know me know I rarely go online, but I did for a bit as it was easier and we spoke for hours) and became really good friends. He lives further up the country, and we were thinking about meeting up the day i'd be leaving Liverpool after staying up there with Holleh and co. His internet went buggered for a while, and he wasn't on DA for ages. Then it came back, we chatted for a bit, we spoke on msn briefly. I went to Liverpool, and he hadn't been on DA for ages, and we didn't meet up. He stopped using DA for a while.
Today I went on there in the hopes that he'd have started using it again, but he's quit. No link for a new page or anything.
All I have is his msn, and he's rarely online, as am I.
I know it's silly. I know we hardly knew each other, we never met, didn't even speak all that often. But I feel so overwhelmingly sad because I felt as though i'd made this new friend who I clicked with so wonderfully well; I was really looking forward to becoming better friends, meeting up, etc. I couldn't wait. And maybe now we'll never talk again.
I realise this is all rather incoherent and silly but I feel so terribly sad now.
3:

Uh, so I suppose a long overdue life update is in order? I've been avoiding writing this all week because i've been busy and knew this would distract me majorly/ Now essays are temporarily out of the way, granddads wedding photos are edited, and I have a moment to BREATHE so I may aswell.

Life is generally good if I look on the bright side, which admittedly I don't all that often, haha. Something good has happened, but I know it won't end the way I want it to so despite my uber-happy binge when this first happened, i'm now mellowing down and thinking on the pessimists side because a) its most likely the way things will go, and i'll be less angsty when I find out i'm right and b) means I won't get excited over something that inevitably may not happen. So I was basically on this super happy hype last week which was insane, haha! Now i'm more neutral. I'm okay with that.
Note to self: never tell Aisha or James gossip related to your life. They get more worked up about it than you. No, really. I've pretty much had a text from James every day asking about whats going on with the situation. What a woman.

In less random news, schools okay. Visited Kingston Uni at the weekend and lovelovelove it <3 So really trying to get my butt in gear and actually get some art stuff done for my portfolio. Started an oil painting yesterday now that I actually own a bottle of turps, and thats actually progressing shockingly well. Oh oil paints, I love thee <3

NIN
Okay, first off, NIN. I won't blabber on about it on here seeing as few will want to read it, but if you are interested I wrote a lengthy deviantart journal here: http://ravenblakh.deviantart.com/journal/25989083/#comments and I also reviewed the gig itself here: http://www.withdrumsandcolour.com/music/live-reviews/78-nine-inch-nails-live-at-the-02.html Check 'em out!
And speaking of, please give your support to this site www.withdrumsandcolour.com , it's where I wrote the NIN review. Shameless self-whoring, but seriously. It'd be nice if a few people take a look, I also did a write up on Harry Potter, Leeds Fest, and a review for Mulholland Drive. I'm not great at writing reviews, but its something i'd like to improve on so it's good experience :)
But yeah, amazing gig <3 The best concert i've ever been to, and I do worry that i'll forever be disappointed in any other gigs I go to now, haha.

NOW ONTO SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED AT THE GIG~

Patrick Wolf!
Again, its covered a bit better in my DA journal but yeah; I met Patrick Wolf! To keep it short and sweet, he was sitting in the row behind us at NIN so me and my dad went and had a chat with him at the end and he SHOOK MY HAND! <3 Admittedly he was a tad tipsy I think, but he was really lovely, and it was such an amazing experience because I have a great admiration for him as a musician, and to meet him in person...just wow. Really surreal <3

Life
Not much going on my end D8 well, I break up from school today. Broke up. Whatever. Although I sort of finished yesterday because I didn't want to go in today for 3 hours just to sit through an assembly and sit in form. So I gave it a miss and watched Hot Fuzz x3 Productive day! Most of my friends went to see Harry Potter but I need to cut down on days out for a bit so i'm giving it a miss for now. I will see it at some point; might go with Sophie and a few folks and get cheap tickets with Orange Wednesdays, aha.
So onto summer! I don't have millions of plans because our family holiday only got booked today so I wasn't allowed to arrange anything in August other than the trip to see Holly. Which means I'll be away for...well, the majority of August. And i'll miss my exam results; they should be posted home to me and then i'll be off to Holly, so if I arrive emo'd up you know i've failed! XD
Other than that, very little to report :|
Oh, wait, no, thats a lie - won two sets of itunes fest tickets; Calvin Harris + Miike Snow on Saturday, Bloc Party on Monday. Mostly looking forward to Bloc Party, but still 8D Basically, my dad won some and I won some, woot! Free gig ftw 8D

DO I HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY? NO, NOT REALLY D8

 ...cloggin' ur friends page wiv quizzes.
Yeah.

 Ah, sort of. Only a few weeks mind, but I got into to the habit of using this and I sort of stopped XD Actually, I haven't been very active online anywhere recently; DA, Facebook, here, anywhere....D8 Then again being back at school probably doesn't help.
We're only in for about a month or so, so it's not /so/ bad because we don't have the pressures of revision. We do however have to still do a lot of work, which I was hoping wouldn't be the case. Admittedly, english lit and history are projects introducing us to the course which is bearable, but art and photography, my two top subjects, we've pretty much been thrown in the deep end. Ack, 3000 word essays for both subjects? Its not the worst thing as I do english and history so essays are no strangers to me, then again more essays on top of the ones I already have isn't fab. Do not want kthnxbai.

And we also have to go on a stupid amount of gallery visits. Because I do the two artsy subjects, this means I have to do 4 gallery visits in the next 2 weeks. Oh boy. Squeezed two in yesterday (the trains were a nightmare might I add, no trains running from my station wtfff) and have to do another 2 next week, on fathers day. Its okay because I can't go on Saturday because i'm going out with my dad that day anyway, so I guess it evens out. But eugh, its such a pain. I can hardly afford London trips right now, and I hate asking my parents for the money all of the time. I do the housework for it when I can, but its still a bit eh. They pay for a lot, and i'm grateful, and I hate that I have to have more every time I need to go on a school-related trip. Ffff-

Speaking of school trips, another one in two weeks. Basically 3 days straight of painting trees. Not my favourite subject, but should be good for my portfolio. Then it's James birthday and we're going out for that I think, then more Uni visits (oh yeah, I have one this week too) and then a shoot in London/LFCC/etc. So the next few weekends will be hectic anyway. Some should be fun, but we'll see. I'm glad I have at least one shoot lined up soon, I really miss doing shoots. I can't always do them in my area, and being back at school means no weekdays and weekends are taken up by yet more school related activities, and money is taken up by school things. Whai school, whai do you steal my very small income of money and time? XD

I think thats all with me; other than the heat. Its nice n'all, but school uniform in this weather? Do not waaaant ;_; Trousers and shirts and blazers, eek. I don't have the confidence to wear skirts anymore ;_;

I want to watch a fiiiiilm but I need to work ;____; The horror. Actually, I could watch a horror, its relevant to school shizz. I've got an idea for photography that stems from horror, but I need to use basic horror/macabre/dark photography as a starting point and build from there. Anyone know any good horror/dark/macabre/etc photographers?

HOW IS THE REST OF THE LIVEJOURNAL WORLD? 8D

 I'll probably post a more brief/less personal account on my DA later.

So this expo weekend...not my best expo ever but it was still pretty damn good! Over the course of the weekend I saw about 90% of the people I wanted to see, even if only briefly or for one day, which was great. However, this also meant it was very hectic, and not only was I constantly running backwards and forwards, but it also meant my credit went pretty fast. By the end of Saturday I had £3, and I ran out about half way through the day (so sorry to anyone who I couldn't call about shoots/text back eek) which made things quite difficult, but that always happens to me at expo so it wasn't a surprise.

I did a heck of a lot of shoots, which i'm trying to hurridly edit as many as poss tonight as tomorrow revision starts, and will continue until my exams on the 2nd and 8th October. Which means I won't be around much, sozbeef. It also means photo uploads will be slow. I'm starting with Sunday's photos because I shot them in RAW and they are much bigger files, so the sooner I can get them edited and off of my computer and onto my portable hardrive the better - plus, I can't view RAW files on my computer and it takes much longer for me to pick and chose which ones look best so I have to open each individually, so it's better I get the ones that take longer out of the way. So in theory, i'm working backwards, aha.

But yeah, pretty pleased with most of the shoots - not so much the shots I took of the Code Geass guys on Saturday morning because I had just experienced the 'OH MY GOD THE LIGHTING IS WEIRD I NEED TO CHANGE MY SETTINGS AJSNAKDNFK' feeling, so I couldn't quite get the settings perfect. Plus, I didn't shoot RAW, so fixing said lighting is difficult and a lot of the photos are way too dark /wrist But otherwise, most are looking good which is nice. As the day went on I managed to work out what settings looked best so the shoots got progressively better, aha. 

Met a ton of the old folks over the two days (to name a few: Maddy, Nat, Jo, Scott, Cara, Priya, Isa, Holly, Jo flip flap, Lucy, Jenn, Sean, Tasha, Nomi, Laura, Charlotte, Kherrigan, Bex, Rebecca, Mix, Emma, Fae, Miri, Moo, Kieran, Nikki, Charlie, Samm, Kath, Dani, YOU GET THE IDEA) as well as meeting some new folks, namely Saffron, Simon, and his friend-who-i-didnt-catch-the-name-of. There were a few people I didn't bump into, but mostly I did alright which was nice. I only saw folks like Maddy, Nat, Isa and co briefly seeing as we were all rushing to get to places, but it was cool regardless n_n And meeting Saffron and Simon finally was really cool - Saffron is ratherlovely.com and Simon is rather cool aswell, as was his friend; I usually freak out when talking to guys just because I don't often get on with them that well, so getting on well with both of them with no problems was a surprise. I helped them both with some stuff for their blog, which was cool too 8D Hmm, and I saw Maz for all of about 5 minutes (insert numerous swear words here) and seeing as he left me to wait in the sun for about 10-15mins when I was already quite burnt and just generally being a bit useless, I wasn't too pleased to see him anyway. My mood lifted afterwards when I found the brother who had been awesome and lovely and bought me a Kamina phone charm (FFFFF-) and Gurren Brigade iron-on patch. IT IS SAFE TO SAY I WAS A HAPPY CAT AT THIS POINT. 

But oh yeah, both days I was somewhat ill/injured, aha. I had a major headache throughout the whole of Saturday (which according to Bex was 'photoshoot stress' aha) and on Sunday I got stupidly burnt...and as I had my camera around my neck all day, I have nice camera-strap burn lines on my chest, as well as burn lines on both arms up until where my wristbands were. Fab.

Becca Crabfaec stayed round mine from Sunday>Monday too which was pretty faaaahbulous. We looked through/lol'd at photos, exchanged music, and chatted to Jo on the phone yesterday, and did a shoot with Sophie in the park this morning which was pretty cool too. She left a few hours ago now which is sad (I MISS MAH CRAB ;_;) but a nice end to a good weekend nonetheless.

But despite all of the mishaps it was a really good weekend! I feel exhausted now, but it was worth it, as always <3

I have my history exams on the 2nd and 8th so I have to revise for those...last exams, whee! See some of you afterwards~

 So today I finally got around to watching the Satoshi Kon film 'Perfect Blue', which i've been meaning to watch for a good few years now.
I won't go much into the plot (for spoiler reasons, and y'know...it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense anyway, and there isn't necessarily a 'set in stone' plot as such) but has anyone else seen it? I want to talk theories guys ^_^

I think it's very Mulholland Drive esque, and very Lynch-esque overall, and seeing as i'm a big David Lynch fan and Mulholland Drive is one of my favourite movies, it pleased me. Quite heavy stuff, much like Lynch, they didn't tone down the sex or the violence at all (violence doesn't bother me, but i'm still a bit cringey when it comes to sex scenes, haha) but I suppose the extremity of that reflects the plot and it is relevant in so many ways, so it doesn't bother me a great deal.

It's quite a bit like Paprik aswell, but obviously far more sinister.

Anywho who is interested in theories, there are quite a few really good one's on the IMDB forum; mostly about who killed who, the title of the film, the many Mima's, the ending, and so on. 

And jeeeezus christ, that Me-Mania guy is creeeepy! D8 

And worryingly, I adore illusion Mima's outfit in the final scenes...y'know, the red dress with the umbrella? Yeah.
God, if I could sew...

--

Movies aside, it's expo tomorrow ohgohohgodohgod. I doubt i'll be Paprika, my hair ended up going dark brown with purple tints and REALLY STUPIDLY BRIGHT RED ROOTS, so I just don't look like her with my current hair, haha. Unless it miraculously changes colour in the morning, aha. So yeah, i'll just be plain old me I guess~
See some of you there ^_^

 Haha, I was randomly browsing deviantart and I came across a Shinzo (Mushrambo) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinzo cosplay, and it brought back a few memories, so I headed over to Youtube and found another long lost childhood favourite...Monster Rancher.

Watched the english openings again and remembered just how much I adored Shinzo and just how much...well, yeah, Monster Rancher was actually pretty crap, aha. I had a mad love for the cooler, more muscley and awesome version of that Mushra character aha. Oh dear...
So do any of you lot remember watching some random animes as a kid that hardly exist anymore? Or any somewhat shamefully bad series you watched as a kid?

I know as a kid I was obsessed with:
- Sailor Moon (as much as they would show on UK tv, never quite got to the lesbian stuff aha)
- Cardcaptors
- Shinzo
- Monster Rancher
- Digimon
- Pokemon
- Samurai Pizza Cats
- Tenchi Muyo/Tenchi in Tokyo/etc
- Rave Master
- Beyblade
- Escaflowne
- Dragonball Z/Dragonball GT

Okay, so not all of those are obselete now, and half of them I still like (hell yeah @ Escaflowne, CCS, Digimon, and Tenchi XD) but hey ho.
That's all i've got right now.

Oh god, this really was awful wasn't it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXiJYcK4-GU

 Well, i'm not flail-worrying like everyone else about expo because lets be honest, my half-assed 'cosplay' isn't exactly much effort.
But no, what I am worried about is two things:

1) Hairdye. Bought the hairdye for Paprika last week, redredred. Which is a lovely colour, but from past experiences it doesn't like my hair. And I quote my mum here, who said 'It WILL go ginger'. Now don't get me wrong, I love ginger hair (and goddamn, I don't understand why everyone dislikes it! D8) BUT Paprika is not ginger. So if it does decide to go that way, no cosplay for me ohohoho~ I'll nerd it up with my manga-like clothing, aha. But if it does go some form of half-assed red, then yey <3

2) Travel. I am pretty sure i'd have topped myself by the end of the weekend because of the fekkin' travel arrangements. DLR is being it's usual fail-tastic self and has decided that its going to close a load of stations yet again. Which means crazy routes and replacement bus services, oh boy. Saturday isn't too bad, but Sunday is gonna be a betch. And to boot, I stupidly sent an email to a few of the locals and let them pass it on to other locals so we could travel as a group. And I love 'em all, honestly I do, but if ANYONE is late I am not waiting, and if anyone gets on my nerves I will SHOOT them. It means I have the extra responsibility of not only getting us TO and FROM expo, but also checking that everyone is following and not wandering off, eugh. Joyjoyjoy.

So if the weekend ends and i'm not deceased/in prison, then waheyyyy, i've done well!

Got a few shoots to look forward too (so much for not arranging many shoots this year mumblegrumble I can't help myself!) so that should be naaaiiiceee~ Plus, they're people I know fairly well which means it should be more of a breeze and less of me trying to pretend I know what i'm doing, haha. Actually, no, I lie, one shoot with someone i've never met (still not 100% if its actually happening yet mind) but thats my lot.

This will be the first (London) expo with my new camera, hoorah! I can't wait~

And uh, I have my english lit exam on Wednesday. And i've got to go in to sort my art stuff out on Thursday, so i'm tactfully dying my hair Thursday evening so that if it DOES go ginger, I won't distract anyone sitting behind me in the exam with my sudden haircolour change, aha.

I told myself I wouldn't top until the day before expo, but I caved and did it this evening. Oh dear. I love how the NIGHT I top up I get a 8-text long message. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Need to try not to text too much, ack.

So that's pretty much everything from me...?

 Ah, my titles are getting so varied nowadays...

So yesterday I started study leave - hooraaaay! But it's not all so fabulous - I have to go in for two days next week to sort out art stuff, as well as do my english lit exam. So okay, none of these will mean full days in school, however they do mean that i've got to be in school for 8am on one day, DO NOT WANT.

So the art department has lost some of my work yet AGAIN. 
I walked into the room to find my shell painting, which went walk-abouts around 7 months ago, leant against the GCSE work, already battened to be taken in the new building. Confused but happy, I put it over with the A Level stuff and went to find my 3 piece coursework paintings to batten, but it seems by finding my shell painting another of my paintings had to be misplaced - 2 are there, the third has magically disappeared.
Now, these paintings are on watercolour paper so I stuck them all to board ready to batten the next week all one day after school. All at the same time, and I put them all in relatively similar places in the same room. But only two remain. So I searched all over the school for it in any place it might be, but alas, it's not there. Its part of a series, so it'll look pretty odd without the third piece. Wunderbar. So I told my teacher who said "Oh, stuff gets lost all of the time, it'll turn up"
7 months later, like my shell piece?
Yay. 

But hey, my history isn't until after half term and expo, which is nice riiiight?

And of course - expo. Yesterday I bought my blue Paprika trousers as well as the hairdye, so now all I have to do is paint my shoes (which I will do today if I get time) so that's a definate for expo now. Expect to see me flailing around looking relatively normal taking lots of photos. No change there XD
Got a few shoots lined up for expo as well as a shoot the Monday afterwards with my bestie Sophie and mah twin crab Becca so they should all be good. Doing far less shoots this expo - I decided not to journal it though DA and left people to ask me if they were interested seeing as that way I have far less shoots and thus far more time for 'me'. Don't get me wrong, I love doing shoots, but it takes up so much time during the weekend and to boot theres the time it takes to edit them and yeah...then again, knowing me i'll bump into people and end up shooting lots again anyway, haha. We'll see how it goes I guess :)

Arranging to meet up with a few folks I don't see very often/haven't ever met before at expo too so that should be nice aswell. Not getting tickets for inside this time; pah! I have no money. 

Oh, and theres LFCC too - as much as I loved it last time (and it is only a fiver to get in) I probably won't be going in, or going both days. So I guess you could say i'm not /actually/ going to LFCC, ha. I have a shoot in London that day that'll finish relatively early (around 4pmish latest i'd imagine) so I may pop down there after that to steal Holly + co for photos and FOOD TIEM. If I have the travelcard, I may aswell kill two birds with one stone hmm? Shame I won't have the time to flail inside, but hey-ho, i'll be able to say a quick hello to anyone I see around I guess :)

What else? Hum, not much to be honest. Resisting the urge to send yet ANOTHER angry message to someone who is saying harsh things about a mate - can't though, because I was told in confidence and i'll get said person who told me into trouble. Ignorance is bliss I guess? Still, I want to kick him in the balls, I really do, haha. 
That's about it really - oh! Higashi no Eden ep 6 appeared on my Youtube subscription this morning (so sue me; I watch anime on youtube) so I was a happy cat. 
I believe that is all B)

 Okay, so those who watch me on DA will already have seen a midly similar journal, but I love it so i'll post on here anyway because yes, I am that un-cool.

So yeah, title is somewhat self-explanitory. New anime Higashi no Eden/Eden of the East, 5 episodes out so far, made by the folks who did Ghost in the Shell (the series I think?).
It's a sort of girl-meets-odd-boy-and-they-are-so-canon-and-cute sort of thing with a really incredible backstory that is fairly GITS-ish. So yeah, if you haven't seen it, I recommend it.
And if you have...fangirl with me? x3

I told myself I wouldn't watch anymore anime until after exams, but I was on a high yesterday and maz said I should watch it so I was like 'Hey, i'm bored'. Because apparently i'm like the female character, Saki, right. Which I can see in a sense, although I don't exactly look like her aha. Either way, I may be fail-cosplaying her in Oct.Expo if Maz wants to go as Akira x3 I'd need to get a wig, but the rest of the outfit would be bought. Plus, it'd be nice and comfy and I could make the cute little dog with wings, eee~ <3 
So that should be fun ^_^



Eeee, how cute ^_^ I really like this anime!

I think thats all I really have to say today. Oh! A friendship is getting back on track again, which is really making me happy n_n But other than that, everything is relatively normal at my end. 

A summary of my day:

- Saw a dead fox on the way to school. Was sad, because I am a loser.
- Got in early for art exam, room wasn't opened til the last minute so that was a waste of an early morning.
- Finished my final piece an hour early (today we had the last 3 hours of the exam) and managed to somewhat fix the crazy proportions I drew yesterday.
- Started to feel ill about 45mins into exam. Made numerous toilet visits, teacher looked concerned.
- Lost one of my earrings in the school loo's ;_;
- Went back in feeling incredibly shite; and got permission to go home because i'd finished.
- Trekked to find numerous people around the school so I could leave (why is it so complicated just to go home ill?!)
- Shuffled back to art room to collect my phone because I left it in there.
- Managed to still forget all of my pens mind.
- Went home, slept for ages. Feel a tad better now, but it didn't stop my dad quizzing me on my symptons 'JUST INCASE YOU HAVE SWINE FLU'
- Had a bath to cool off; instead of shaving my underarms I somehow managed to miss and shave part of my shoulder. Still don't know how I managed this.
- Found out Rebecca also had a day off. Raved about being ill via text.
- Was attacked by a moth.
- Recieved a mysterious Seaking pokemon card through the letter box. Current suspects: Aisha, James, or Sherlock Holmes. I have yet to work out who sent it...
- Aaaand I have the photography exam tomorrow.

It was...an interesting day to say the least? XD
I was really worried at first because I don't get properly ill all that often (at least not enough to go home for; the system for being allowed to go home in sixth form is so ridiculously complicated and catching up is a pain, so I usually just wait it out) aaand I kept feeling sick a lot, so I was really worried i'd be sick (which thankfully I wasn't). I haven't been sick since I was in year 8? And that was about 4 years ago, haha. Still, feeling a tad better now so tomorrow should be okay.

How is everyone else anyway? XD

 81. One of those things i'd quite like to have one day is a casual fling. I was thinking about it today. Pretty random, hmm? But I never will, because i'm one of those 'don't do anything unless you're in a relationship' types, and the idea of a 'casual fling' generally means that it's a short, meaningless thing, and I have a tendency to hang on, so yanno. However, I am quite curious, even though I know it's so /not/ me, haha!

82. Today I deleted about 300-400 comments on my deviantart. I managed to reply to about 300-odd before that, but there were so many I had to. Yet I felt really, really sad about doing it. Why? Because i'm a loser, thats why B)

83. I will open up to pretty much anyone nowadays. I'm probably a bit too trusting, and although it hasn't kicked me in the face a notable amount just yet, I need to be a bit more careful.

84. I don't work hard enough in school, and haven't done so since year 9. Although I feel bad about it, I don't feel bad enough to actually change it.

85. Today I will motivate myself to finish my photography coursework by allowing myself to finish editing the pictures i took at Longleat Safari park a few weeks back if I finish it all. Haha, such a loserrr~

86. I quite like travelling alone, as long as I have an mp3 player to stop me from freaking out over the silence.

87. London is one of my favourite cities. It's actually not that nice, but I love the people I have met there, and the places in and around it. 

88. Part of me wants to move to a place really far-up the country when i'm older because it's so pretty and because I would very much like a change HOWEVER I do also love the people I know from London, and how I know a lot of places and how accessible everything is. So i'm pretty torn about my future after Uni. But hey, no need to think about it just yet.

89. Rose and Almond Vaseline is fantastic and it has actually stopped me from biting my lips, something I never thought was possible. NOW, GO BUY IT.

90. I plan on over-indulging on sweets and chocolates in my art exam tomorrow. We can't talk or listen to music, so I need something to stop me freaking out, aha.

91. I guess the fact that I quite like listening to people talk about their problems makes me a tad twisted, right? XD

92. I'll admit, I do like a bit 'o gossip, haha. Doesn't mean I go around spreading rumours, but I find it interesting to know whats going on in the immediate world around me because i'm meddling like that, haha.

93. My parents bought me some sweets for my exam tomorrow which have been sitting on my desk all day. I've managed to successfully not eat any. This makes me proud :)

94. I'm sitting here, thinking about how I probably haven't done enough for my art exam tomorrow. How I should have prepared more, how my idea ought to be more 'solid', and how i'm not panicking. That, in itself, is making me worry.

95. I think I have a tendency to lead people on. Guys moreso than girls I think, but I don't know...I need to work on that. 

96. Honesty isn't always the best policy. Yet, I use honesty far too much. 

97. Slash fanfiction is usually better than straight fanfiction. I don't know why that is. 

98. I wish I could still speak german. I may take up lessons someday in the future.

99. It's really bugging me that I don't know the name of the song on the Red Riding Trilogy trailer, gaaaw.

100. I have not said one remotely interesting thing in this entire meme.

So there you have it. Done.
Well that was a pile of shit wasn't it? XD'

So ooohhh good, I have my art exam tomorrow incase you hadn't guesed, joyjoyjoy!~
I don't think i'll get everything done in the time, and if i do it'll be utter crap.
BUT WISH ME LUCK ANYWAY ;_;

Right, I wrote this nice long entry on A Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde and my thoughts about the new film that's out this September, but my internet crashed and Livejournal didn't save the draft akjfhlfkhjk
SO.
Because there is NO WAY i'm typing that all out again, I want to hear what you guys think - if you've read the book, and what you think may be good/bad about the new film...Ben Barnes yes or no? Homosexual subtext, full on gay scenes, or no mention of it at all? Thoughts on the director? Etc.
I'd like to hear what you guys think :)

In other less alksjlgnhk news (DO YOU REALISE HOW LONG I SPENT WRITING THAT ENTRY ASKGFNBFDJG RAAAAGE), life's not too bad; I have my art exam on Tuesday and Wednesday and my Photography on Thursday, as well as an english mock on Friday. Joyjoyjoy. Plus, expo is around the corner, so i'm finalising shoots with people, meeting up with people, etc basically. I saw the perfect trousers for Paprika in M&S so fingers crossed I can get them, eee. A LOT easier than cutting + dying a pair of jeans I already own, plus they're nice enough for me to wear in the summer. 

Currently in the midst of making a Model Mayhem account at the request of Rebecca (MAH CRAB XD) seeing as it's apparently a good way to find new models + get your work out there etc. Not that I need new models seeing as most of my friends are pretty photogenic haha, but I suppose it's a good way to get your work a bit more known and work with different people. I'll see how it goes anyway :D

 I love how there's more Life On Mars/Ashes To Ashes slash than the actual straight, canon stuff like GenexAlex, haha. I have half a mind to suspect that Ashes to Ashes was created purely to deter the GenexSam fans, aha!

But seriously, who else is watching it? (obvs Holleh is)
I still prefer Life on Mars by a long-shot; but Ashes to Ashes is growing on me: the relationship between Gene and Alex, CHRISSSSSS AND HIS LEGENDARY-NESS, the awesome 80's-ness, and gah...I do rather love it. Nice to have something that I like back on the telly. Although I do miss Sam Tyler, and I do expect him to return at some point during Ashes to Ashes. It has to happen, right?
But i'm totally shipping GenexAlex right now, aha. She's less annoying than series #1; less of the "I MISS MAH DAUGHTER WOE IS ME" business, which is good.

Hmm, what else? Well, I read about 6 or 7 volumes of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles yesterday, and it's safe to say i'm hooked - I just finished vol 16 (WARNING SPOILERS!) (Asklsajhh the thing with Syaoran! D8 And Fai! The angst! The drama! Kurogane's backstory made me angst like it was nobodys business, and the build up to the big dramatic climax with Syaoran's twin and the eww!tastic scene with Fai's eye...eee. 
(END SPOILERS)
So yeah, it's safe to say I'm in love with it <3 Took a while to get started, but hey ho. And yeah, I still ship Kurofai, aha. 
MUST. DRAW. FANART. 

I also started reading 'Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' yesterday (if you haven't heard of it, google it) and thats a pretty...interesting read, to say the least! XD I took it into school to show Aisha and about five people have asked to borrow it from me when i'm done, haha.
Basically; it's the exact same text as Pride and Prejudice, but some areas have been replaced/edited so the story has zombies in it. Fantastic stuff.
Heard a rumour of a film adaption - if they did it with most of the original cast of the 2006/7 (?) P&P movie i'd be dead pleased. Matthew Macfayden as Mr.Darcy chasing after zombies? Yes please <3

So what else is beefing with me? Not all that much; i had a history mock today that went appaullingly, I have some family beed (again. don't ask...) and something else that i'm hoping is sorted now. My art and photography exams are next week...eek! Not looking forward to them; especially art as it's only 8 hours, and I have a fairly big, detailed painting to do (why do I torture myself so?) so that should be full of panicky joy, especially as we aren't allowed to listen to mp3 players and silence usually makes me panic. Oh dear. Fingers crossed it'll go okay.

But eee, expo soon! Not looking forward to the event itself to be fair, but i'm stealing Maddy and Crab-Lady-Rebecca for Saturday and Sunday respectively, and there are some lovely people I look forward to meeting again ^_^ Plus, a few new 'uns I plan on meeting too. It should be a nice chillaxer before the last few exams I hope!

Thats all for now, bye~

 Glad I got that out of my system.
Anywho! Onto something to make me (possibly) a little more chirpy.


61. The film version of Pride and Prejudice and Wall-E I think are the only two films to ever make me 'Eeeeee' out loud. I still need to read the P+P book actually...

62. One of the easiest ways to actually calm me down is classical music. Only when i'm angry. Listening to it when i'm sad only increases my sadness.

63. I've been an athiest for most of my life. I dabbled in Wicca for a year or so in my early teens, but nowadays I'm athiest and that'll probably be me for the rest of my life. I like religion most of the time, I find it interesting, but i'm too pessimistic to believe in a god. 

64. Cherry flapjacks = <3

65. Current obsession pairings: DracoxHarry (ITS CANON SOME OF THEIR QUOTES ARE SO LOL), and TyKa (TysonxKai, Beyblade lul)

66. I tend to dress mostly guy-ish; skinny jeans, band shirt, vans, sweatbands, etc. Or like a 'dirty grunga' at least, haha. Although I occasionally embrace my feminine side - I do love high heels <3 But I can't walk in really high ones ;_;

67. Part of the reason I don't dress very girly very often is due to a lack of confidence of sorts - and the fact that the clothes I wear now are more comfy! I'm self-conscious, so short skirts, shorts, etc will only be worn to parties and stuff, or in the summer when I physically cannot wear skinny jeans without dying. Even then I usually wear leggings/tights with them. I don't mind low cut tops too much though XD; 

68. I don't like water - not to drink, but in the swimming sense. I learnt to swim in year 5, and i've never been particularly water-friendly; if you splash at me, i'll throw a girly hissy fit, and I can't go in water above my shoulders. I can't swim underwater, hell, I can just about swim normally.

69. On a similar note, I don't like boats that much. Small-ish boats, or boats on short tour-like journeys are okay if I have to, but I could never go on a cruise because of the idea that the boat is in the middle of the ocean away from everything. I couldn't cope with it, i'd freak out.

70. I don't like expo all that much anymore. Sozbeef. I like it for the people, and the photoshoots, but that is literally it. The attractive itself is a bit crap nowadays, and i've been so many times now and it's changed so little that I haven't really been getting excited about it as much as I used to ;_;

71. I love how it's only just occured to me that i've been playing Warrior's Dance for many hours. Play count 98. 70-odd of that made up from today. Oh dear...

72. I work best under pressure, hence why I don't really panic before exams anymore I guess. I do large pieces of homework hours before its due so I get it done in one lump and it's good; and when working on essays I have to do it all at once because if I come back to it my trail of thought is gone.

73. Next year I would like to go to at least one different con. Y'know, like Kita and Aya, something nice and more 'private' than the London expos.

74. I love the sound of rain hitting an umbrella. 

75. I've just realised that I instinctively go to look out of my window, even though the curtains are now closed.

76. Theres a bug flying around my room. Eugh.

77. It's no wonder I want to sleep all of the time; it's 00:10 and i'm getting up at 06:45.

78. Right now, I don't really have a preference. Y'know...

79. According to a quiz on Facebook i'm Edward Scissorhands ('What Tim Burton Character Are You?')
Riiiiiiiight.

80. Crabs are the answer to all of lifes problems.

 Warning: it's not a rant, but it IS emo nonsense, haha.

I'm having another one of those mixed-days.
It's sunny outside. Beautiful weather, I went outside for a bit to take some photos because the light is lovely again. It's warm. I'd do my work outside if it wasn't computer work.

I noticed today that I spend a lot of time looking out of the window. Why is that?
In my room, theres my door, next to which is my computer, desk and chair, and then to my left is my window. I tend to stop what i'm doing and just stare straight out of it a lot. Not that there's much to watch; it's just the neighbours and my own garden, the flats behind our houses, a few trees, and the vast sky which today is filled with clouds. So I've been outside taking photos. But when I haven't been, i've been inside, neglecting my work because I find it difficult to work of an afternoon and because outside is clearly so distracting.
I don't know why I do because there certainly is nothing exciting to look at outside other than the occasional passer by, my neighbour watering the garden, and my cats sleeping.
But I do it anyway. Without fail, every few minutes or so.
Has it become force of habit?
I have a mirror at the edge of my hallway downstairs that I always have to look into whenever I'm walking past it. I know why. It's to check that only i'm in it, there are no strange invisible figured behind me. Of course, I know there never will be but I look anyway because it's become second nature and I do it out of instinct now. Habit. Is that what looking out of the window is becoming?
It's almost as if looking outside at the world reminds me that i'm still here, that I exist, that we, people, exist. There is a world outside of my bedroom window and that is the world I live in. I don't always like it, but it's there.

I'm making no sense, am I?

I feel very un-fufilled lately.
I'm one of those people who shouldn't be allowed to think, because thinking makes me unhappy. Lately I haven't been thinking much; my mind has been focused purely on work and school and the world that I see infront of me every day of my life. I haven't been able to see a lot of my friends, but they know that I'm busy so I guess it's okay. I'm living my life in the moment and i'm trying not to think of the past and the present because when that happens I slip into my periods of feeling down. And that's not something I like to happen, so the less I think, the better.
Today, the nice weather has distracted me from that routine and allowed my mind to wander and now I feel somewhat blank.
I met up with some friends yesterday and it was a really, really good day. I loved it; I enjoyed myself and I got to see some old friends aswell as new ones. It was a good day out.
But now i'm home again and I'm alone and I'm thinking and my mind is telling me that something is missing, even though I know it probably isn't. I don't expect anyone to read this, but writing it all down makes it somewhat easier to comprehend in my mind, and maybe if I write it down my mind will kick into defence mode and block out all of the negative feelings and replace them with positive ones. Unlikely, but hey, I can try. And I like to write things down.

I feel odd. I can't really describe how I feel right now in one word or emotion because I don't know whether how I feel is one set emotion. Helpful. I don't even know how i'm feeling right now, haha. I wouldn't call it sadness, although there is an aspect of it in there, and I know that's what it will become within a few hours.
I wish I could just be happy and grateful for what I have, because I have so much. Some people are slipping from my life either through my own choice or not, then again some people i'm becoming much closer too, and hell, i'm making new friends. My family issues are currently at a standstill and right now i'm just waiting for the storm to hit, so thats not too bad. Schoolwork has its stressful moments, but nothing no-one else isn't suffering from.
So why is it that I always feel so strange?

I have nothing to be sad about, really. Yet I feel so un-fufilled, so un-satisfied with my life right now. It's like my mind is going back to when I was a kid, when I used to lay in bed at the end of the day wishing that something new and different and exciting would happen. I'd wish that someone would wisk me away to another world because I didn't like the one I was in. And I feel the exact same way now, although there isn't much wrong with 'my' personal world, and I don't necessarily hope that i'll be magically wisked away anymore.
I'm older now, yet my feelings from childhood are very different to what they are now. Does that make me immature?

I feel like I'm always wanting to just lay down and sleep, but i've been going to sleep fairly late. The only thing keeping me awake is the idea that if I stay awake, I might do something productive, which I usually don't do anyway. A few weeks ago I was giving in, and just lying on my bed for hours, or getting home from school and sleeping. I suppose the more I sleep, the less I think, and my time is solely dedicated to working. I suppose I can understand why that person is always working now, it makes things easier to bear.
I could just sleep for days and days and then i'd never have to worry about things. Right now, by writing this, i'm fighting the temptation to just lay down and sleep. 
I want to go to a secluded place. To just lay in a field in the middle of nowhere and just look up at the sky and listen to the sounds of the world around me. I've wanted to do this for a while, and today the feeling is stronger than ever. There's a nice big park very close to where I live, but in this kind of weather it's always packed full of happy families eating icecream, and teenage boys playing football. Not the kind of atmosphere i'm looking for. I still really want to take you there. Even though I don't think we'll be friends for much longer. I suppose I just want to show you how I feel and show you that you're not the only one. But I don't want to talk to you right now, so...

It's weird how I can look outside of my bedroom window on such a bright, sunny day and my mood just slips into negativity.

Ohmanohmanohman, this is almost as gorgeous as the Simca figure they were selling in Orbital a while back:


Okay, so I know I already have a Yoko figure which is gorgeous and awesome, but it's one of those bendable ones, I want a real nice one that actually looks more like her (because of the nature of my figure, the -ahem-proportions are wrong XD) and is more funkily posed~

Although if i'm being honest, there are some laaavley figured I would love to buy~